preacher boy
A. D. Casstevens
i cried for you today
sometimes the reality of it all
just hits me
you’re there
i’m here
we’re nothing ­
not even really friends - now
just acquaintences
i once felt something from your side ­
& not just mine
but time & space - distance
have closed me off
from you
you held my hand - held me
but only because we were dancing
you looked - really looked at me
but only because we were too close
you took me out for coffee
was it only because you were tired?
you complimented me ­
was it only for compensation?
you woke me up ­
but only because i asked you
you stood next to me in the pew
were we as companions for only a day?
you hugged me goodbye
but only because i hugged you
you smiled at me ­
was it only because it was expected?
we’ve never kissed ­
we’ve never exchanged hearts
but i did
love you,
seriously - deeply
do i still?
did you ever
have you ever
will you ever?
i’m too far away from myself
or too close to myself to know
if i can ever get back to anything close
to what you need
i was headed there
but now it seems too far away
-to see-to glimpse
-to hold-to grasp
we’ve never rested on each other
we’ve never exchanged our whole lives
then why
do i still
cry over
you?


Return to Contents